Some of these are "skills" in the normal sense of the word. Some are expressed in the words of the people who suggested them. They are more like attitudes or ways of processing information. This is far from an exhaustive list. Will you help us build it? Please send me an email using our Contact form.

Case study

I am fairly resilient guy with skills centered around reframing and belief in my own abilities. But somethings aren't helped very much by those skills. I used to live in the desert Southwest and was used to an environment with about 325 days on which the sun shined every year. I moved to a "maritime" climate, with long periods of cloudy weather, misty rain and no sun. It started to affect me. I started dreading winter (the worst season for weather). I got grumpy and started complaining all the time, focusing on how rotten the weather was and how it affected everything I did.

One day I pulled into a parking facility that had an open field nearby. It was overcast, misty and I was in a really bad mood. I looked into the open field and noticed it had several different kinds of grass, clover, and weeds. In the light overcast and dampness the colors of the foliage really "popped." I just stood there, looked at it for a few minutes, and then went about my business. I found myself smiling and being friendly and not at all grumpy. I realised that the beauty I had found gave me a bit of space in which to separate myself from telling myself how bad things were. I gave myself a pat on the back and started consciously developing that externally focused distance skill.

I learned to recognise when I started telling myself how bad things were — with the weather, with neighbors, with anything. When that happened I would just give myself a few seconds and look around. There is always something that is beautiful, if you just look for it. And, I would focus on the beautiful scene that I had found for just a few seconds — and simply appreciate it. I wasn't consistent at first. If might forget or didn't recognise I was in a bad place. But over time I developed a habit of looking for beautiful things to give myself a little peace from the self-talk that interfered with the good things in life. I don't get affected by the seasons anymore. I'm happier and much easier to be around.

You can find a new skill that will help you get through the things that challenge you. It's not easy. You have to practice to establish a new habit. But it works!